Belonging: The Profound Role of Parent-Child Relationships
When we received our son’s first diagnosis, I was completely clueless about what it meant. He was only two years old, and the term “apraxia” was foreign to me. I naively believed that it was just a temporary issue that could be resolved with short term therapy and then we could move on with our lives. But, as time went on, I became aware that there was something deeper going on, something beyond what I thought was just muscle development. I began researching our new reality (and scheduling a lot of speech and language therapy).
Fast forward a few years, with our son in elementary school, we received several additional diagnoses and I wasn’t wasting any time. I devoured every piece of information I could find. I subscribed to newsletters of organizations that became staple resources for me, attended webinars, bought the books, listened to podcasts, and reached-out to specialists in the field (some even got back to me!). Of course I was looking for answers, but I was also determined to gain a deep understanding of how we could create an environment at home and at school with a team around him that would allow him to thrive. I knew that because he learns differently, thinks differently, and solves problems differently, I needed to understand the environment, interactions, and learning that was best suited for his development. I needed him to know that learning differently really means “differently” and doesn’t mean “less than”. I needed him to know for sure that he is smart, capable, and that he belongs exactly where he wants to be.
A child's sense of belonging begins within the family, where love and acceptance are the building blocks of their emotional foundation. When we create a warm and nurturing environment, our children feel an unbreakable bond, a place where they are secure, cherished, and truly belong. This sense of belonging develops emotional stability, self-confidence, and a deep understanding that they matter.
We can play an active role in facilitating our child's social integration. By organizing small gatherings, encouraging participation in extracurricular activities, and fostering friendships, we become architects of belonging, helping our kids find their place among their peers. This unwavering support enables children to build meaningful connections, develop essential social skills, and gain a sense of acceptance among their peers.
When our son was still in elementary school, I remember reading an article about the challenge of social interactions and play dates. The article suggested that if you have cool toys, good snacks, and create a fun environment, the kids will come. Although it may not sound like an organic way to build relationships, at that age, the kids came over (often). I would buy tons of chalk and create crazy, windy tracks on the driveway so the kids could race the Little Tykes cars that I would find at garage sales and flea markets. We added bath bubbles to the water in the plastic kiddie pool for a fun ‘swim’ in the yard. I would prop the garden hose on a ladder and lock it on light spray so the kids could drive their mini vehicles through a “car wash” (with more bath bubbles, of course). The friends, fun, and giggles more than made-up for the mess. And, as I quietly observed all of the delight, I could gently help our son navigate the social scene of elementary aged kids, understanding how he treats others and, as importantly, how he deserves to be treated.
A child's sense of belonging extends beyond the family to their interactions with peers, where acceptance becomes a lifeline. When children feel accepted by us, they develop a secure attachment, a shield against the uncertainties of the world. We can model empathy, kindness, respect, and acceptance, and teach our children invaluable social skills, empowering them to form genuine connections with their peers.
Within the safe haven of open communication, we earn their trust and can guide our children through the labyrinth of social challenges and nurture resilience. Encouraging children to express their emotions and thoughts without judgment allows them to feel truly seen and understood. This unwavering emotional support equips children with the confidence to interact with their peers authentically, forging bonds of belonging within their social circles, and learning to recognize signs of people they can (and cannot) trust.
We hold the power to make our children feel valued by actively listening to them, celebrating their achievements, and providing constructive feedback. By showing genuine interest in our kid’s life, we convey that their thoughts, dreams, and aspirations hold immeasurable importance. This unwavering validation helps children develop an unshakeable sense of self-worth and significance.
Parent-child relationships hold the power to shape a child's sense of belonging, self-acceptance, and significance. Within a nurturing, loving family, children find their place in the world. Through acceptance and support, we help our children navigate the complexities of social interactions with grace and confidence. We can do the research and filter out what doesn’t work for our child and implement what does work. We can buy the chalk and the four-wheel toys second-hand and help our children understand that kindness and respect must go both ways and, when they offer it, they deserve it in return. By consistently demonstrating that our kids matter, we can ignite feelings of self-worth and significance that empowers them to embrace their unique journey and thrive in all aspects of their lives.
