The Imperative of Conversations Between Parents and Special Needs Children

In the delicate fabric of human relationships, communication is the thread that binds us together. It is the medium through which we express our thoughts and feelings. For parents and children, communication is the cornerstone of our relationship, cultivating understanding, empathy, and love. As Dr. John Gabrieli, Professor of Brain and Cognitive Sciences at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology has discovered, “It's almost magical how parental conversation appears to influence the biological growth of the brain.” This is especially true for parents and their children who learn differently. The importance of conversations between parents and special needs children cannot be overstated. It is a vital aspect of our relationship that significantly impacts the child's development, self-esteem, and overall well-being. 

I’ve always described our son as a “boy full of joy” because he could light-up any room with his smile and energy from the time he could walk (thankfully, he hasn’t changed). When he was entering sixth grade, he was so excited to begin the school year at a new school as he was eager to meet friends. After the first several days, a recognizable pattern emerged: “How was your day?” “Fine.” and “What did you do in school today?” “Nothing.”. Although this dialogue seems to have become a right of passage for many, for our family it wasn’t something we were comfortable with. We recognized that, although our son may desperately want to share parts of his day with us, given his executive function challenges (particularly in working memory), he was struggling neurologically to do so. Our son was the inspiration for GAB-on!. We built it for all kids because these simple conversations change the trajectory of a special needs child and their family.   

Children with special needs often experience the world differently. They may have unique ways of processing information, expressing emotions, or interacting with their environment. Conversations between parents and special needs children provide a window into the child's world. They allow us to understand our child's experiences, perspectives, and challenges. This understanding is crucial in helping the child navigate their world and in making informed decisions about their care and education.

Trust and emotional security are fundamental to a child's well-being. For special needs children, these elements are even more critical. They often face additional challenges and uncertainties, which can lead to feelings of insecurity or anxiety. Consistent conversations with parents can help alleviate these feelings. They provide a safe space where the child can express their fears, frustrations, and hopes. They reassure the child that they are loved, accepted, and valued for who they are. This fosters trust and emotional security, which are essential for the child's emotional and psychological health.

Conversations are a powerful tool for promoting self-expression and emotional literacy. They provide opportunities for the child to express their thoughts and feelings, and to learn about different emotions and how to manage them. This is particularly important for special needs children, who may struggle with emotional regulation or communication. Through conversations, we can help our child understand and express their emotions in a healthy and constructive way. This not only enhances the child's emotional literacy but also boosts their self-esteem, confidence, and agency (and it helps the parents too). 

Conversations are a key ingredient in strengthening the bond between parents and their special needs children. They create shared experiences, mutual understanding, and emotional connection. They allow parents to show their love, empathy, and respect for their child. They also enable the child to feel heard, understood, and valued. This deepens the parent-child bond, which is a source of comfort, support, and resilience for the child.

Conversations play a significant role in a child's social and cognitive development. They expose the child to language, stimulate their thinking, and enhance their social skills. For special needs children, these benefits are particularly valuable. When my son was younger and had not reached the developmental milestone of saying ten different words, the doctor encouraged me to keep-up with the “input” (talking to my son regularly) as eventually, the “output” will happen in some form and he’ll have the knowledge stored from our “conversations”. Helping them develop their language skills and improve their cognitive abilities, conversations also help them learn how to interact with others. They can also foster their curiosity, creativity, and problem-solving skills.

We developed GAB-on! because our son wanted to share his day with us but the tidbits he was able to tell us were like pieces from different puzzles. He didn’t yet have the tools to retrace and recall whole parts of his day and he didn’t know how to start to tell about it. With the GABs, he has the agency to choose what he wants to talk about (so we know it’s important to him), and the few words that he captures at school are enough of a hint to remind him of that moment in his day. What starts out as a conversation about a lesson or activity in a certain subject often leads to bigger conversations about who he ate lunch with, a funny story in between classes, or something that he really liked doing during the day. (Keep track of the GABs where he gets excited about something because you’ll begin to see a beautiful pattern of where they find their joy).   

Conversations between parents and special needs children are about connecting, understanding, and growing together. They are about building a strong, loving, and supportive relationship that nurtures the child's development and well-being. They are about empowering the child to express themselves, to understand their emotions, and to navigate their world with confidence and resilience. So, let's keep the conversation going. Let's celebrate the power and awe of how conversations shape our children's lives. Let’s change their trajectory and ours.